Only love can hurt like this

Only love can hurt like this because we put our being into hands of someone else.
Everything we are is connected to someone who we love.
We trust them that they have the best intentions with us, but mostly we end up horribly broken.
We are lying on cold floor, crying and screaming out our lungs just to feel less miserable.
But it's all in vein.
We can do nothing to prevent ourselves of breaking into million pieces.
So do everyone nevertheless.
We tried.
We try.
We will always try.
But we'll never succeed in this fight.
It's not in our hands to hold those magical strings and play with them.
You know it.
I know it.
Everyone knows.
But all of us still try..

Love has always been a risk

What is love?
Is it just some form of misery?
Or is it a beautiful girl in red dress walking beside you?
Would you like to bond love with yourself forever?
Or is it for you just some part- time job?
Are you willing to do everything for her?
Far much more than she will ever be able to do for you?
Or as much as she has done?
Would you choose her over and over again?
Even if you saw all her flaws and imperfections?
Would you let her paint your world red and then devastate it?
Just because she wants to?
Would you come in the middle of the night because she will call you and tell that she is sad?

Don't you dare give her everything and then leave. Just like wind does. Because you will let her torn in million pieces and with voices hunting in her head. She will go crazy but she will never admit it.
Please don't break her, she will seal herself with memories of you. And she will never be as beautiful as she was. You will leave scars on her body. Some more visible some not. But some will be getting deeper every lonely night she will spent without you. Some of them she will see only with drunk eyes and others will be some kind of reminder for her that you once explored her body and soul.
I don't quite know what is worse. The scars which you will leave on her body, the paths of your wandering tongue and curious fingertips. Or those which will make your love. Those buried deep in her heart. Written in inner walls of her body, which has infected all her atoms and in every cell is written your name and the story of love so strong that could cure cancer and end wars.

So think wisely if you decide to bond love with you. If you decide to tame her be aware!
She is paradox itself. She is kind and calm and your muse but also she can destroy humanity in you.
She will be the best of you if you let her grow in your arms. But if you will try to change her and her unpredictable ways, she will become a hurricane. She won't let a single piece of your body without mark that she was there and that you has made a fatal mistake.
And in the end, if you are born under the star of fortune.. she will let you tame her, she will know that you are the one.

Loneliness

Prečkávam deň s jedinou myšlienkou a to, že keď mesto pohltí ticho a tma zas ma na pár hodín zaplní pocit pokoja. Nikdy to netrvá dlho. nikdy to nie je ideálne. Avšak vždy to je postačujúce. Prežívam.
Nežijem život na plno pretože nie vždy sa to dá, nie vždy na to stačím.
Prežívam len kvôli noci, noci kedy na všetko zabudnem. Noc mi poskytuje pohľad na hviezdy. Tie zas úkryt pred realitou. pred všetkým zlým. Čas na obnovenie svojho tela.
Nie vždy sa mi podarí opraviť všetko zničené.
Nie vždy sa mi zahoja všetky rany spôsobené tebou.
Nikdy nie som dokonalo pripravená na nový deň.
Pretože rany sú rozsiahlé  a hlboké.
Pretože jazvy sú vždy viditeľné a často krát sú otvorené.
Pretože nikdy neodídeš a nenecháš ma zabudnúť. Nenecháš ma aby som si časom myslela, že to bola iba nočná mora ktorá sa opakuje každý deň.
No ty máš iné plány.
Ja tiež.
Chcem žiť.
Nie prežívať.

Leaving is hard thing to do, but being left is the hardest.

Prichádzajú a odchádzajú..
Momenty v našich životoch sa len tak striedajú bez toho aby nás čo len upozornili o tom, že niečo pekné, čo pre nás veľa znamenalo so pomaly ale isto blíži k neodvratnému koncu.
A ľudia..
Ach ľudia.. tí ktorí často prichádzajú ale ešte častejšie odchádzajú a svoje miesta ktoré vypĺňali v životoch iných nechávajú prázdne. Tvár si udržia kamennú a jednoducho odkráčajú ako keby to bola samozrejmosť. Veď čo po tom, o chvíľku naruším a od základov zmením život niekomu inému.

Zamyslel sa niekedy niekto z vás aké to je? Aké to je byť tým ktorý stojí, víta a vždy ostane opusteným? Byť len nejakou prechodnou stanicou pre každého kto sa rozhodne narušiť život inej ľudskej bytosti?

Mení to ľudí. Mení ich to veľmi a spôsobom ktorý sa len ťažko dá popísať. Berie z nich ľudskosť a nahrádza to niečim čo v nich potlačí ich humánnu stránku. Utlmí to ich pocity a vyzdvihne to v nich ich bezcitnosť. Niekedy viac a niekedy menej.